You are not broken and you do not need to be fixed.
When a tree has an injury (such as having a broken branch or by being hit by lightning) we don’t cut it down and look at it as unworthy of continuing to grow and heal. The tree instead begins to grow around the injury; caring, adapting and continuing to expand until the wound becomes a small part of it.
Similarly, as humans we can turn much more tenderly towards our wounds instead of believing that we are broken and need to be fixed by someone or something outside of ourselves.
At a recent yoga class I was a part of, the teacher responded to a few of the students' complaints about their bodies and injuries in a profound way.
When trying to straighten their arms in a pose, one student said, “I have a bad shoulder so can’t do that.” The teacher responded by saying, “Yes, I know the shoulder has been hurt, so say to yourself: I know you’ve been hurt, so how can I care for you?”.
A few minutes later when another student's posture was corrected, they stated that they had one leg longer than the other. Again, this teacher responded, but this time with, “Yes, these are all stories we tell ourselves to reinforce what is wrong with us”.
Do these two yogis have internal wounds and external injuries? Yes, of course they do. However, the way that we talk to ourselves and respond to these parts of ourselves is what matters most.
How can we shift our words and actions to be loving and caring towards the parts of us that we perceive to be broken?
How might we recognize that the obstacles and heartaches that we endure can become integrated into our selves instead of shunned?
When we befriend all of the parts of ourselves, even the injured ones, we shift from creating stories that keep us in the injured space. We become more resilient to the hardships of life and grow around the pain until the wound becomes smaller and smaller.
I liken this to walking around the world with a gaping cut or open sore, vs. the scar tissue of a wound that has begun to heal. When a child bleeds we sit down next to them, soothe them, care for them and talk sweetly to them.
Our words and actions towards ourselves hold tremendous power. We can choose how harmful or helpful we are in how we respond to our adversity.
Regardless of how much hardship you have endured and wounds you have suffered, you are not broken. Like the trees that continue to rise tall and expand their branches throughout their lifetime, so too can you.
By Nicole Lovald, LMFT, E-RTY
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