Imposters Syndrome and the Duality of our Experiences

Have you ever experienced imposters syndrome? It’s that feeling that you don’t belong and that everyone else around you is much more accomplished. It can cause an underlying fear that others are going to perceive you as not belonging and therefore prove your fear is justified.  

I’m currently at a beautiful resort in Tucson, Arizona, having been invited to a professionals weekend where I have the opportunity to learn about an integrative treatment program. I have been feeling incredibly excited about this trip as it will give me time to learn, grow, rest and replenish.

As an integrative therapist it will also offer me insight into the healing modalities that are successfully being used for treatment of addiction, mood disorders, pain and trauma. The residential treatment center, Sierra Tucson, looks very much like a retreat center, but it is run as an impressive mental health clinic. They provide services from medication management and addiction recovery, to holistic offerings such as yoga and acupuncture.

Last night I met the group of 20 professionals who, like me, travelled from outside of the state to tour the facility and learn more about it. We introduced ourselves and shared information about our professional backgrounds, education and licensures, as well as passions for the work we do.

As we went around the circle I met people who are doing incredible work in their corners of the world. There were psychiatrists, forensic nurses, directors of clinics, and therapists. As I took in all the credentials, I began to feel like my background and experience didn’t compare to all that they’ve accomplished in their careers.

By the time I introduced myself my brain had been over-analyzing what to say, how to say it and what not to say. After I spoke I continued the assessment of the words I spoke and whether or not I came across as having earned a respectable seat within the group.

I share this inner insecurity because I imagine others can relate. I believe when we share our vulnerable parts with others we get to see our shared humanity and that we all struggle with feeling we are not “enough” from time to time. I also think it is important to share how I was able to come back to my self-worth and soothe the fear that I was feeling, as that is also something we can all do.

After we took our turns speaking in the group we moved to smaller tables to enjoy a meal together. I began to let my anxieties go and settled in to connecting with people one on one. As our conversations unfolded we talked about things that connected us and our similarities, not our differences. I was delighted to recognize how much many of the people I talked to had in common with me and how easy our conversations flowed.

After the dinner I went back to my room and spent some time processing how I had felt. I sent my sister a text message to let her know I’d had a bout of imposters syndrome, as I know this is something she has felt before as well. I shared with her that I had felt the discomfort of it, yet at the same time I know that I belong. I wrote to her that I believe both things can be true: I can feel uncomfortable and anxious, as well as grounded in my knowing that I belong just as much as anyone else.

The duality of holding two opposite things to be true at the same time is something that comes up in both yoga and in therapy. In yoga we can allow ourselves to be both strong and soft. It is in the yin and yang that brings us to a centered and balanced place. In therapy we can hold the fact that we are a work in progress and a masterpiece all at the same time. We can be learning and growing while also holding compassionate space for exactly where we are.

As I prepare to enter into a day of meaningful work, I am going to  do so from a place of recognizing that we all belong. I am going to do so from a place of knowing that I belong. If any fears or insecurities rise to the surface I’ll take comfort from trusting that two things can be true at the same time.